he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
