he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
