So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
