Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think people are normalizing furries
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
