there was a trapeze. enough said
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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