Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
