Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
