well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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