She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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