Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
