oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
