i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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