So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
