btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize