Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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