For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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