You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
