I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
