Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
