do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
