You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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