Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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