This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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