Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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