I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
