she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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