Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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