You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
