You really coming over, don't trick.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
