what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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