i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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