who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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