i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
