Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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