I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
