Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
