based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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