I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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