Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
