Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
