cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
