so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
