woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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