8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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