Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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