Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
