yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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