What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
