He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just invented taco cereal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
