her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
