I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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