walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
