Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
