sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
