I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
