Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
