Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
