Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
