Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
