I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
