If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
