the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
