We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Two words: nipple clamps
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