She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
