I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
