Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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