From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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