Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
