It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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