I cannot find my penis.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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