You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
