Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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