we're blogging at a bar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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