Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
