I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
