You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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