I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
