just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
