Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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