absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
