i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize