I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
